英語小笑話
英語小笑話1
Turning over
Nurse: oh my god! The patient who has been treated fell down at the gate of our hospital andbecame faint. The police officer is coming!
Doctor: Take it easy. Just turn him over and make that he was walking towards the hospital.
翻個個
護士：不好了，剛接受治療的'病人在醫(yī)院門口摔倒暈了過去。警察馬上就到。 醫(yī)生：別著急。把他翻個個，弄出他往醫(yī)院走的樣子。 大學英語小笑話帶翻譯篇4
Headache
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
頭疼
“我頭疼的厲害，要去看看醫(yī)生了。”
“胡說八道，昨天我也頭疼，我沖回家吻了妻子一下，馬上不疼了，要不你也試試?”
“好主意，給你妻子打個電話，說我馬上就到。”
英語小笑話2
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
譯文：
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。
“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。
“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的'。”
英語小笑話3
Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."
"I don't know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I' m the doctor. "
英語小笑話4
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有個女人給她的丈夫買了生日禮物。
她很激動，并且急于要告訴她的丈夫。她說：“親愛的，我買了兩樣東西給你做生日禮物。我現(xiàn)在就要告訴你，因為我等不得到那一天才說。一件禮物是一個地墊，可以放在我的梳妝臺前。另一件是一個青銅的小雕像，可以放在客廳的.壁爐架上”她還說：“好啦，你準備給我買什么呢?”
她的丈夫想了一會就說：“我最好是給你買一個刮胡刀和幾條領帶。這樣我們就可以互相交換禮物了。”
英語小笑話5
While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.
旅途中，媽媽想起她忘記給爸爸買一件生日禮物。
"That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey."
“沒關系”，他說，“我最想要的東西是你的愛、忠貞和溫順”。
Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."
媽媽沉思片刻后回答說，“我寧愿給你買一件禮物”。
英語小笑話6
A private didn't notice a young lieutenant and failed to salute him. The lieutenant said sternly, "You did not salute me. For this you must immediately salute one hundred times."
Just then the general came up. When he saw the poor private about to begin, he exclaimed, "What's all this?"
The lieutenant explained, "This ignoramus(無知的人) failed to salute me. I'm making his salute one hundred times as a punishment.”
"Quite right," replied the general smiling, "But do not forget, sir, that upon each occasion you are to salute return."
有個士兵沒有注意到一個年輕的陸軍中尉，沒有向他敬禮。中尉很嚴厲地對那個士兵說：“你沒有向我敬禮，因此你要馬上敬100個禮。”
這時候將軍過來了。他看到那個可憐的`士兵就要開始敬禮時，就大聲問道：“這是怎么啦?”
中尉解釋說：“這個蠢貨沒有向我敬禮，我就罰他馬上向我敬一百個禮。”
將軍笑著說：“完全正確。不過，老弟，別忘了他向你每敬一個禮，你都要回禮的啊!”
英語小笑話7
Back Up Two Miles
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn .
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by. "What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
退后兩英里
一位農夫和他的兒子乘坐輕便馬車來到一段窄路，他們遇到一個開車的人向相反的方向去。兩個方向的兩英里以內都沒有地方可以使他們相擦而過。駕車人甚是著急，按響了喇叭。 “如果你不后退，”農夫說著擼起了袖子，“我可不喜歡我將不得不做的事。”司機吃驚不小，掛上倒擋，向后退了兩英里，讓輕便馬車先過去。
“剛才在那兒你說過的你不喜歡要做的`事是什么?”農夫的兒子問道。
“退后兩英里，”農夫回答道。
英語小笑話8
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well,gosh," was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?
英語小笑話9
A woman who frequently visited a small antique shop rarely purchased anything，but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride，but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?”demanded the woman.
一名婦女經常光顧一家小古董店，但幾乎從不買什么東西，卻總是對商品和價格吹毛求疵。對于那婦女的粗暴袍怨，經理和她的`銷售員總是應付了事，但是有一天她做得太過分了。“為什么你們店里總是不能得到我想要的東西?”那名婦女指責說。
A smile on her face，the clerk calmly replied，“Perhaps it's because we’re too polite.”
職員臉上帶著微笑，沉著地回答道:“也許是因為我們太有禮貌了。”
英語小笑話10
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一個商場租用了相互毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying，"Gigantic Sale!”and "Super Bargains!”
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書:“大減價!”“特便宜!”
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming，“Prices Slashed”and“Fantastic Discounts!”
左邊的.商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱:“大砍價!”“狂打折!”
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated，“ENTRANCE".
中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著:“入口處”。
英語小笑話11
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar，I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for 10 or 15 cents each.
在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時，我與一名準備買東西的`顧客發(fā)生了一場爭論。他對購買袖珍《奧金·納什集》頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價過高。其他的平裝書每本才賣十戴十五美分。
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet，and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle.Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant，he paid with a $10 bill.“Keep the change，”he said.
我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個有趣的詩人，這個要價是合理的。他說這是個原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，掌出一張十美元的票子付賬。“零錢不用找了。”他說。
英語小笑話12
a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
英語小笑話13
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.
農校的招生辦主任在面試一個上線的學生，“你為何要選擇這個職業(yè)？”他問。 “我夢想以經營農場來賺一百萬元，就像我父親一樣。”這個學生回答說。 “你父親經營農場賺了一百萬元？”主任驚詫地問道。
“沒有，”這位申請人回答道，“他總是夢想著賺到這個數(shù)目。”
英語小笑話14
Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?
Tom: Every month.
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？
湯姆：每個月都有啊！
英語小笑話15
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，點了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當他環(huán)視酒吧時，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。該男子問酒吧招待，這只猴子是誰的.。服務員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎？”鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會為你演奏的。”
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